Enneagram Unlocked: The Journey to Clarity and Connection

How I Discovered the Enneagram

About eight years ago, my husband’s best friend—who was in seminary at the time—kept bringing it up. He insisted I needed to learn about it. But at the time, I was deeply immersed in the direct sales industry, where personality tests were everywhere. I’d already done the DISC, Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, and so many others. The last thing I wanted was another personality test.

But the Enneagram? It’s different. And once I finally gave in and took the test, it told me I was either a Type Three (The Achiever) or a Type Eight (The Challenger). My husband’s best friend immediately said, Yeah, I always knew you’d be one of those two.

Then I read the descriptions—and I got mad. It called me aggressive and challenging. I literally said, I’m not aggressive, YOU’RE aggressive! And in that moment, I realized that maybe, just maybe, the Enneagram had something valuable to teach me.

Why the Enneagram Is So Powerful

Unlike other personality tests that focus on what you do, the Enneagram focuses on why you do it. It reveals core motivations, fears, and desires.

But here’s the problem: Most people take a quick online test, get a number, and then:

• Use it as a sword (“Oh, they’re a Type Eight, that’s why they’re so aggressive”)

• Use it as a shield (“Sorry, I’m just a Type Two, that’s why I overextend myself”)

That’s not how it’s meant to be used. My goal today is to give you a deeper, more compassionate understanding of the Enneagram—not just for yourself, but for the people in your life.

The Enneagram Framework

The Enneagram consists of nine personality types, which are further divided into three triads that describe how people process the world:

1. Heart (Feeling) Triad (Types 2, 3, 4) – Reacts based on emotions

2. Head (Thinking) Triad (Types 5, 6, 7) – Processes decisions logically

3. Gut (Instinct) Triad (Types 8, 9, 1) – Acts from a deep inner knowing

You are one primary Enneagram type, and you do not change types throughout your life. However, your behaviors can shift depending on stress or security levels, making it a dynamic tool for self-awareness.

The Nine Enneagram Types

Let’s take a high-level look at each type:

Heart Triad (Feeling)

Type 2: The Helper

• Core fear: Being unwanted or unloved

• Core desire: To be needed and appreciated

• Struggles with: Pride (believing they don’t have needs)

Type 3: The Achiever

• Core fear: Being seen as a failure

• Core desire: To be successful and admired

• Struggles with: Deceit (presenting an idealized image)

Type 4: The Individualist

• Core fear: Being insignificant or flawed

• Core desire: To be unique and authentic

• Struggles with: Envy (feeling others are more whole)

Head Triad (Thinking)

Type 5: The Investigator

• Core fear: Being ignorant or overwhelmed

• Core desire: To be competent and self-sufficient

• Struggles with: A scarcity mindset regarding energy and resources

Type 6: The Loyalist

• Core fear: Being without support or guidance

• Core desire: To feel secure and prepared

• Struggles with: Anxiety (constantly scanning for threats)

Type 7: The Enthusiast

• Core fear: Feeling trapped in emotional pain

• Core desire: To experience joy and excitement

• Struggles with: Gluttony (overindulging in pleasure)

Gut Triad (Instinctive)

Type 8: The Challenger

• Core fear: Being weak or controlled

• Core desire: To protect themselves and others

• Struggles with: Excessive intensity and control

Type 9: The Peacemaker

• Core fear: Conflict and disconnection

• Core desire: Inner stability and peace

• Struggles with: Avoidance (falling asleep to their own needs)

Type 1: The Perfectionist

• Core fear: Being seen as wrong or corrupt

• Core desire: To be good and ethical

• Struggles with: Resentment (frustration when things aren’t “right”)

How the Enneagram Changed My Life

One of my biggest Enneagram breakthroughs came through my relationship with my sister-in-law, who is a Type 4. As an intense, no-nonsense Type 8, I didn’t realize how I was experiencing her—and vice versa.

After a misunderstanding that left us not speaking for months, I listened to a podcast about how Type 4s feel deeply misunderstood and struggle with feeling flawed. That hit me hard—I realized that without meaning to, I had made her feel exactly that.

So I reached out and simply said, I miss you. I love you. I know I’ve probably missed the mark a lot, but I want you to know I’ll never stop trying.

That one moment—fueled by Enneagram awareness—shifted our relationship forever.

Using the Enneagram for Growth

The Enneagram isn’t about boxing yourself in—it’s about self-awareness, growth, and compassion.

3 Ways to Use It Effectively:

1. Identify your patterns – Understand your core fears and motivations.

2. Recognize stress & security shifts – Learn how you behave under pressure.

3. Improve relationships – Increase compassion by understanding others’ core needs.

If you’re unsure about your type, I highly recommend NOT just taking an online test. Instead, dive deeper by working with a coach (like me!), reading trusted resources, and reflecting on your motivations.

Want to Learn More?

I regularly host Enneagram masterclasses and one-on-one typing sessions to help people gain deeper clarity. If you’re interested, head over to chelseydbc.com for resources, upcoming webinars, and coaching opportunities.

Let’s keep the conversation going! What type do you think you might be? Drop a comment or send me a message—I’d love to hear your thoughts.