Chaos, Comedy & A Lot of Moving Boxes – Our Marriage Journey Unpacked

Opposites Attract: Enneagram 8 & 9 in Marriage

Kobi and I are a classic case of “opposites attract.” I’m an Enneagram 8—bold, driven, always challenging. He’s an Enneagram 9—the peacemaker, calm, steady, and easygoing.

• Energy Levels: I have an intense, high-energy personality. Kobi? Not so much.

• Conflict Styles: I tackle things head-on; he avoids conflict whenever possible.

• Love Languages: I feel most loved through quality time and words of affirmation, while he shows love through acts of service and thoughtful gestures (like bringing me Starbucks!).

Understanding these differences has been key to our marriage. Instead of seeing them as roadblocks, we've learned to use them as strengths. Our balance allows us to challenge and support each other in ways we wouldn’t get from a more similar personality match.

The Evolution of Finances & Gender Roles in Our Marriage

When we first moved in together, we made all the mistakes. Kobi moved into my house, and I assumed (without telling him) that I would cover the bills so he could save for a ring and our future. That unspoken assumption led to tension.

It wasn’t until we moved across the country that we truly embraced the mindset of "our money, our future." Over time, we’ve taken an unconventional approach to finances and gender roles:

• I’ve always been the more career-driven one, and I thrive as an entrepreneur.

• Kobi, a natural caregiver, is passionate about education and working with kids.

• We don’t see provision as just financial—support, emotional investment, and partnership all matter.

Through open conversations, we’ve designed a life that works for us, rather than sticking to traditional roles just because society says so.

Keeping the Spark Alive: Avoiding the Roommate Phase

After 10 years of marriage, it’s easy to slip into routine. Life gets busy, stress builds up, and suddenly, you feel more like roommates than romantic partners. We’ve been there, but we’ve also found ways to reignite connection:

• Intentional Date Nights: Even if it’s just a coffee run or watching a show together, setting aside time matters.

• Understanding Love Languages: We each make an effort to show love in the way the other person receives it.

• Giving Each Other Space: Sometimes, the best way to reconnect is to allow each other to recharge individually.

For us, a key lesson has been recognizing when one of us is running on empty. If Kobi is mentally drained, he needs time to decompress before he can be fully present. If my love tank is running low, I need extra quality time. It’s about balance.

Kids or No Kids? Navigating the Journey Together

One of the most common questions we get is, Why don’t you have kids yet? The answer is complex. We’ve never been on birth control, but we’ve also been mindful of timing, financial readiness, and emotional preparedness.

For years, we weren’t sure. Kobi saw early parenthood responsibilities play out firsthand and was hesitant. I had deep-rooted fears from my strict religious upbringing. Now, at 40, we realize that not having children would be heartbreaking for us.

However, we also believe in trusting the journey. We’ve chosen not to pursue extreme fertility treatments, and we’re leaving space for whatever path unfolds.

Marriage Advice: Choosing Each Other Every Day

The best marriage advice we’ve ever received? Marriage isn’t about feeling in love every day—it’s about choosing each other, no matter what.

Love isn’t just about passion; it’s about partnership. It’s about picking up the slack when the other person needs support, laughing even in the hard times, and knowing that even when life feels heavy, you have each other.

Marriage is a cycle—you’ll have seasons where one person carries more weight, and others where it shifts. What matters is commitment, communication, and the willingness to keep growing together.

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned in your relationship? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear!